abstract

in 2d concepts we watched a movie about ray johnson. and it got me in one of those artsy moods where my thinking just goes completely a-wall. not in a bad way, just some things tend to open doors in my mind. what a great feeling.

maybe part of that is me getting a full nights rest last night. who knows.

i seriously need to start carrying a little notebook with me to write down my random thoughts and philosophies...! because i thought of something on the way to that class that i really enjoyed, but i cant remember a thing about it...

anyway. this guy ray johnson was completely mysterious. one man on the film described him as a collage himself, not really a person. what a great example of putting your whole being into something you love, his whole life till his death. what i thought was hilarious is one of his friends describing when they took a walk, and a person in front of them dropped their coffee jar filled with grounds. as they passed it, he says "coffee break".

i mean really. how funny is that.

today's a good day.

simply love.

holy buckets of love.
literally. haha. its crazy. i was hit with it on thursday. its amazing, how one can be in a puddle, a pitious puddle of no hope headed straight for the nothingness of darkness, and along comes someone else, even better a group of people just like you. and they share a story of similar dispair. and your puddle dries up and becomes a cloud again. that instantly. crazy, i tell you! love is so...blah! a miracle in itself. because it's also God. and i'm starting to sort of grasp kind of this love He has for us. i was reading psalm 121 the other night, and i just sat there and read it over and over. it talks about how God never sleeps in order to keep us from falling, and how He is our only help. i guess its just a concept i've never come across before...i could just picture in my mind Jesus sitting by my bedside, watching me sleep...such like a tender thing.
once love is remembered, nothing makes sense, but it does at the same time. you can feel like you completely know nothing, but with love you have all the understanding ever and more. i'm starting to read The Shack and its stinkin awesome. i love the quote in there:

"there are times when you choose to believe something that would normally be considered absolutely irrational. it doesn't mean that it is actually irrational, but it surely is not rational. Perhaps there is suprarationality: reason beyond the normal definitions of fact or data-based logic; something that makes sense only if you can see a bigger picture of reality. Maybe that is where faith fits in."

love it. love love love. nothing can take this away from me.

9/23/09

MLIA of the day: Today, I had to go to the washroom. As I was sitting there, going about my business, I casually glanced to my right. Someone had written "Bathroom stall ping pong. Look left!" Naturally, I looked left, to which I was greeted with, "Look right!" Time well wasted. MLIA

literally only have a few minutes to blog. lol.

so i am really happy right now. dont know why, but i just feel so positive about life...so much more than i have lately. like, sure, some stuff sucks....but i have JESUS!! and he has me!!! and its so awesome!! and i KNOW everything's gunna be alright...and its just gunna get better... :D

i had a petty annoyance yesterday, but of course i made it out to be so much more than it actually was. so now thats okay too. and i knew the whole time that i was being annoyed by it that it wasnt a big deal at all.

i have a lot of homework tonight :[ hopefully i can break to visit with some person(s).

tata :D
turning a year older tomorrow...

remind

me to blog more often now.
i soooo want to right now. but i gotta do some h/w. maybe later tonight.
had a thought about what it means to be free today.

<3

UCK.

"take me anywhere, wherever you going
take me anywhere, cuz nobody wants me here."

:[

i'm tired, but i cant sleep.
i'm lonely, and i'm too annoying for anyone.
i'm emo right now...and i think i'm gunna look at this later and be like wow whats up with that.

sigh.

be done before you make it worse than it is...i guess everyone has times like these.

amazing things, people are.

thought as of yesterday...we are incredibly social beings, right? so why is it so pertinant that we also have our alone time too? because i know if i don't get mine for a couple days, i start to get testy. i think i need more alone time than most people. and i don't even know how to use it right yet...

thats why i think i'm going to try doing my...i don't know what to call it. daliy devotionals are not the right words, because i don't do it daily, and i'm sure as heck not devoted to it as of now. hence the unfaithful theme. because we're all human, right...?

1 corinthians 3: 1-9

paul wrote this letter because the church of corinth was starting to conform to the world surrounding it. he addressed their faults and gave advice to help with there commitment to Jesus.

hm. sounds familiar.

"1Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? 4For when one says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos," are you not mere men?
5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building."

what first comes to mind when i read the first paragraph, i think of quarreling between churches today. i mean i don't really know how much it happens, but i know when i was little in catholic school i would try to justify that our way of doing church was better and what other churches did was somewhat weird and possibly wrong. i think people today who have not grown individually with Christ still salute to their church/denomination instead. thats why people call christians "sheltered" because they dont get out into the world and speak like scriptures tell them to. idk. they are too busy with other unimportant thoughts/things most likely. but who am i to speak for when i probably do the same thing?

i know this for a fact that i am still an infant in Christ. for one, i know i sometimes get caught up in the "trend" that we make of christianity at times. okay sweet, you like this christian band and you go to church often and you get a God-related tattoo (i'm NOT trying to condemn anyone...this is just how i see things, and i am JUST as guilty). why do you continue to make sex jokes, make fun of other people, have a closed mind about everything because your opinion matters most for some reason, act selfishly...etc etc.

like i said, i'm guilty of all of that also.

why did someone have to make a "trend" out of it? being a christian is supposed to be a life-threatening decision; following Jesus should mean potentially following him up a hill to a cross (as francis chan beautifully worded in a book called crazy love, you should check it out). i dont know, maybe i'm just thinking too much of it. its an awesome thing because i think it attracts a less-likely crowd to God, but i think we need to watch it when we start getting really comfortable in our own little group...

remember, i'm the hypocrite here. and theres many other reasons why i'm an infant. but i won't dwell on them because that won't help me grow up.

second paragraph has a lot i could talk about. i guess the basic message is to not idolize people because of what they bring to the table. footnotes from my study Bible says that we are all team workers, there are no superstars at this task of life. God picks special gifts for each of us, not one is better than the other. it all goes to God. "so neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

thats what everything pretty much boils down to in what is supposed to be christianity. glorify God.

cool.

"[we] are God's field, God's building."

every silence

i know you're waiting on an answer
i saw her beauty overwhelming
she keeps you draped around your shoulders
so dont
let
go.

that song has been stuck in my head all day. absolutely love it. can't wait to see them again. along with anchor&braille and barcelona. love love love love.

don't love how stephen hasn't even read my messages yet. i can't believe i let my hopes get up so high...haha. i mean, its really not a big deal, it just makes me sad. every time i've tried meeting [anberlin], i've had to pull teeth to even talk for 30 seconds at warped tour. that was super stupid. but it made me soooo happy that stephen actually talked to me about not fake stuff! enough about that... and one time, i stood outside the trailer for an hour before they peeked out the window and said no. the other time i didnt even try.

is it weird to think that, without really knowing someone, you think you could become potentially good friends? call it fan-craziness, i dont care, i honestly think we could have a lot in common, after reading his book. and all i want is to chat over coffee, about anything. i look up to him so much...

hm. i guess i shouldnt have even tried. usually the band pages respond in a few days though...



i dont have much to say from the past couple days, except how amazing rest feels.
seriously.
i've never taken that much time to rest before i think. my dad was like, forcing me to at one point. its quite a lovely thing, rest is.

another thing: i can't wait to get out of this house. its going to make everything twenty times better. for me and for everyone else. too much tension with me here. i guess thats partially my fault though. whatevs.