girls.

because of my situations leading up to now, i find myself in social turmoil.

i have some sort of issue with trusting girls, i'm pretty sure. because i cant make myself make new girl friends, i think i push it off as being too hard.

i think it makes things even more difficult for me with a certian guy situation. because i know i'm feeling different about this guy than i have with others...but like. i dont know. i just feel like i need some girlfriends!! i'm trying to be a better one myself...dont know how well its working but whatever, its no excuse to quit trying.

i definitely need sleep.

sitting

though the past few days have been crazy, i've really learned a lot about just not thinking so much about stuff that it stresses me out. i've learned to just BE for once, and its grand.

thats all.

:]

radical

I learned some stuff today that i want to grasp on to and never ever ever forget again.

at Urbana i was scared to come home to float along the river of the typical, comfortable, and okay-with-the-world-the-way-it-is. because at Urbana i learned about bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth. It's possible. and i consistantly forget that. I did forget.

thankfully, God is God and knows my heart and what's up here in my area. prairie lakes today was freaking exactly talking about what was stirring my heart at Urbana. pastor John talked about how if we arent disturbed with the way things are (inside and outside of the church walls) then things will never change. how we will just continue to coast along and be okay with where everything is right now.

i am NOTAFAN of this comfortable Christianity. i want to rile up everyone and wake them up too!! this i KNOW God has put on my heart, because i'm so passionate about the thought of a revelation among our people today, to GO and SERVE and TELL everyone what Jesus can do to them!!

i think we just gotta remind ourselves everyday of where we came from, and that we are new creations made to put on Jesus flesh and blood and just go. go. go. go. don't have to go across the world, just across the hall.

(a lot of this is preaching to myself. ps. i need to tell myself this.)

i'm gunna try to take steps towards being a radical for Jesus. and learn all i can about Him.
keep me accountable for this.

i need to write. lots more. songs/musings/philosophies.

in process.

ACK. :]

OHHHH BLOGGER. i do not know where to start!

break has been pretty DARN swell. don't really know what happened pre-Urbana but it doesnt even matter. (if you don't know what Urbana is: urbana09.org)

Urbana helped me realize that we serve a REAL, PRESENT (that means He's among us, NOW, alive!), and INCREDIBLY loving GOD!! and He's not just with us, but fights to win EVERY heart in EVERY man all across the Earth.

wow, just wow. this God is becoming so much more real to me. and i'm realizing that i was right in my previous thoughts a few months ago...that the only thing that matters is a ever growing and seeking after, personal relationship with the One who molded and created me and holds me in His hand. Praise God.

I'm choosing now to not worry so much about what my "calling" or "vocation" is supposed to be. I talked to Paul about this earlier today, and he gave me some great advice about it. He said if God hasn't made it crystal clear yet (since I am waiting to hear/see/know), that perhaps I'm just not ready to hear what it is yet, and I'm exactly where I need to be. How comforting that is!!!

I'll continue to seek Jesus, and all will be well. right?

school starts next week. my parents picked up my books for me (praise God. i am super blessed), they are sitting on my bed and i'm kind of geeking out at the book A Writer's Reference by Diana Hacker. we did excercises in an older edition in high school and i loved the book...why i obsess over learning about proper sentance structure and editing? hmm... :] hopefully i find my english classes actually fun/meaningful.

mm. i feel really good about where i'm at. really excited to get back to the dorms.
love ya'll. <3

"therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being RENEWED, day by day. for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal GLORY that far outweighs them ALL. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL."
2corinthtians 4:16-18