having a wonderful conversation with my friend Lucas.

I wanted to blog about thoughts i had this morning. but to sum up i'm realizing my life the past year has been baby steps relating to modivation for doing things...from pleasing people to pleasing God.

i shall rant soon enough... :]

why am i not sleeping.

can someone tell me why i've been staying up until 2 trying to do homework and just flat out not doing it in the end?!
does this mean something?! do i have any self control at all???
-_- i suppose this is a big weakness of mine. even without a facebook i find time to just waste time. its annoying.
school can be over soon. i dont feel like my classes are meaningful. i realized today that i have no reason to be taking my critical writing about literature class. even if i minor in creative writing, i already had the prerequiste (sp) satisfied with my AP lit class in high school. fffffuuuu- for real. whats weird is that is the class i get most meaning out of. it makes me so confident in my faith in Jesus, tests me every day. literature is sweet. i will always appreciate the written and visual and musical and performing arts, i love them. i just cant make them a high priority. like they have always been my forte in school but, in the real world, you gotta do business or go help/be the poor.

i love writing. its my most comfortable means of communication, even more than talking i think. i write a huge chunk of my prayers. i kind of want to be "that person" that writes the spiritual awakening books, i've got a lot of ideas but dont feel a certian pull towards any of them. i'm going to chase after some to see if God wants me there, and if he doesnt i'll write about it, pass it along to someone else who could chase after it.

i need to read more often. better readers make better writers.
i would also like to play my uke more and take piano lessons this summer. along with those care core classes. heck yeah i'm excited for those. i hope its the beginning of something huge for me. if not i guess it'll be somewhere else but...man...to learn a huge batch of tools to help be that emotional support for others?! yes please.

i want to love more. i've realized how much i've been experiencing love the past few months, God working on me personally and with jarek and my dad and such, other stuff here and there. i dont feel ready now but i seriously want to give so much more love than i recieve. i feel selfish with it all.

i'm just not sure who wants it..