a short rant on a trait of Yahweh

For starters, I don't claim to fully know Yahweh, the God of the Bible. But in my short journey I have come to know and begin to understand a few things (is that presumptuous?). I'm also not a Bible scholar in my own right. I have witnessed people's lives and their stories, how others have related to God and try to convey His character to other people. There's some things people say about Him that just don't make a bit of sense to me.

This also isn't thorough by any means. Just a few thoughts.

I think a lot of people say that it would be a presumptuous statement for me to make that I understand a little bit about God. Why is that? They would probably quote Bible verses like in Isaiah, "my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts are not your thoughts, declares the Lord." But, doesn't Isaiah also write that the Lord wants us to "come together and reason together", to make a case for those who don't believe, etc? Thinking about it logically, why would I believe something I could never understand at all?

Anyway, here are my gripe(s):

"God's in control." (in response to tragedy, conflict, etc) "He knows the future."
"Everything in life comes from the hand of a loving God."
"You have _____ illness/death in your life because God's in control and apparently he's testing you or doesn't want you to have/not ready for ____ OR/AND you have sin in your life."

and on and on.

My understanding is that these statements come from a misunderstanding of the character of God.

In reading stories in the Bible, and in living some life, God does not display these traits of him being in total control of all situations ever.

One example is Genesis 6:6. " The Lord regretted  that he had made humankind on the earth, and he was highly offended."

If God had all control of human beings and the earth, how could they fall into sin, something that deeply grieves Him? Why would he allow that? And it does not seem possible that in that case, God would have regret about anything. That word in the Hebrew has huge emotional meaning. It means to be angry at someone or oneself, grief, sorrow, experiencing emotional pain, weakness, etc.

Also, if God saw the whole future, how did he miss seeing this intense regret shortly after creating mankind? That would make the Lord a fool and not smart. Which we know is not our God, even if you believe these things.

Again this is in scripture in 1 Samuel 15. Its the story of God telling Saul (and he had been telling the Isrealites for hundreds of years before) to wipe out the Amalekites, and he only half does it. It says that God regretted making Saul king, and makes a new decree that the kingdom will be put in the hands of another.

Just a few examples for the reader to ponder on with God and re-evaluate what is true.

On to the next thing; an example:

A couple has a miscarriage. A church-going friend, in effort to comfort, says, "God is in control, he meant for this to happen for some mysterious reason." Or, in condemnation, "Well, this doesn't make sense other than you must have sin in your life!"

Come on.
Who doesn't cringe at that? How are those any comfort to a family who has lost a loved one?

To me, an all loving being that took care of all sin in all eternity in one swipe (or do we really believe that?) would not punish those who agree with him and are walking with him in their sin. He already took care of sin, for believers and unbelievers alike. What's the point of His salvation if we have to be punished for sin after we accept the fact that He took care of it?
This is not to say that I don't believe in natural consequences to mistakes we make, or that God doesn't discipline us when we need it. Discipline is just a realignment with Truth. Anything else is a misunderstanding. Perhaps parents that lashed out of anger instead of understanding and love. God is the perfect parent, and does not lash out in uncontrolled anger.

I think that's all I want to say for now. I know God wants us to use our brains and think out stuff like this, so I pray that you do take the time to figure out where these theologies came from and what is Truth and what isnt.
If you have questions on specifics or see a flaw in my logic, you can message me and we can reason together! However, I will not accept fighting or put downs.

Thanks for reading.

self examining

Its interesting how when I was not married, it seemed all I did was self-examine, reevaluate, change some things, try that on for size, and then "on and on to the point of nausea" as a favorite song lyric of mind would say (name that tune).

Now in this short span of time that I have nights free I find myself reverting to those same patterns.

Is it legit? Is it worth my time...?

In some ways I'd say yes. Last night I spent looking at my journal from a time I felt closest to Jesus. Felt being a key word there. I was feeling a lot of things at that time. Then the feelings seemed to stop all of a sudden and I took a turn for the worse.

At one point I was looking back at that time with jealousy. What changed, God? I found myself repeating that phrase, for way too long. Up until this last summer I asked him about it, and he turned it around on me...what changed, Jordin? You were so close, and then you visited so little with me. Do you meet with me just for feelings...?

A hard lesson to learn but one I've needed to learn and overcome. and am overcoming. It's such a freaking process...!

At some point though, the self examining can be very unproductive and impractical. It ends up being self-absorption. It's one thing to learn from your mistakes, learn more about yourself and through all that learn to love yourself a little more. But constantly trying to perfect yourself? not okay. Not my job! I don't remember the scripture, but I know there are promises in God's word about being perfected until the day we meet Jesus, being made more like him, yadda yadda. That's being done to me to an extent, not while I lay around waiting for it to happen to me, but while I am "being perfect as he is perfect", walking in the light of the extent of the understanding that I have. I'm doing what I believe I need to be doing, going up as far as my ability and knowledge takes me, and the rest is up to Jesus.

Does that make sense?
It gives me a lot of peace.

of course there's always room for improvement. but what's the point if I can't even realistically be where I "want" to be? I might as well "meet myself where I'm at" so to speak. and not beat myself up about it. Isn't that how Jesus is to us? gotta love ourselves like He loves us...

Micah got me in the mood for blogging. I feel like I've lost my "voice" when it comes to expressing myself these days...maybe I've just changed. I can deal with that. That's it for now.