this is all kind of out of my hands, really.

honestly, i really dont know how this all happened.

i was just on my merry way...looking at some of stephen christian's blogs on modesty writers guild...

i seriously dont remember how i ended up getting a blogger account. no joke.

...thinking...

oh well, i guess. i'm pretty positive this is God's doing. since it just sorta fell into place peacefully like those things usually happen. like, when theres hardly any concious thought about it.

weird. but cool.

so, i xanga blogged for a few years. talk about the good old days. when i used to blog about my boring life of watching televison, eating swiss cake rolls and talk about how the girls at school didnt like me as their "buddy" but i was more like "the nice girl i talk to at school sometimes". middle school wasnt something i completely hated or anything, it just wasn't a happy time to look back on. definitely helped me grow, though.

i'm pretty sure i also blogged about my huge rupert grint crush and how i would have gone overseas at that very moment to see him. ha! its funny to look back and make fun of how much you think you knew back then...even though i'll be doing that in 5 years making fun of my 18-yr-old self now. i'm still going to continue on life like i know everything anyway.

just kidding.

i'm going to try really hard to make the focus of this blog not on my materialistic self and how i spend my time...everyone does that. i want to use it to modivate me to really put my thoughts somewhere where i will remember them and where they will last for a lot longer than a stupid tweet or status update on facebook. because, i've been catching myself doing that lately...i'll think of something profound (well, to me) and forget about it. its so sad. its like a seed that begins to root, it has potential to be something great, but a distraction floods it and washes it away.

so. maybe. this whole blog thing will modivate my brain to retain the information better.

also, along with the thoughts, the thoughts ususally 75% of the time are related to God, Jesus and/or the Holy Spirit in some way (and/or...slash they are all the same thing...slash they're not...). thus, the purpose of the blog name. "unfaithful" came from the song thats been stuck in my head a lot the past couple days, "some will seek forgiveness, others escape" by underoath ft. aaron marsh (from copeland). this song is so encouraging for me most times, because, like all of us, i feel like i fall short many many times. i have a hard time grasping the concept and idea of God and Jesus and what He did for us...and how do i react? of course i know the answer to the question, which i think is "just recieve the grace", correct me if i'm wrong? but i feel like i constantly need to try and repay in some way, with my devotional/prayer time and such. i guess i can touch more on that some other time.

basically, i realize that i'm unfaithful a lot. but, i'm also granted grace through the Cross, like all of us. and the progress is me trying to get a better realization of this.

for some reason, it seems like everyone else has this grace thing figured out and i dont. lately i have always felt like i'm missing out on something that everyone else has been let in on.

but, i also know it'll get better. the Lord has been with me through this whole prossess, and i love Him for that endlessly. its really felt like He's held my hand through every moment i've doubted.

hopefully i'll update this somewhat regularly. its proof i'm progressing. every moment i breathe i'm progressing, but this blog will serve as proof, if i'm thinking right anyway. toodles.